Always stuck in second gear

So no one told you life was going to be this way.

Your jobs a joke, your broke, your love life’s DOA,

It’s like your always stuck in second gear,

When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month or even your year.

Everyone knows these words.

I was watching an episode of friends earlier, well it was on in the background, and the opening credits started, and the lyrics just poured into my ears and into my brain, and it hit me.

That’s my life right now, no job, I’m broke, love life…………

I’d be lucky to be in second gear.

It really hasn’t been my day, week, month or even my year.

I don’t know what is going to happen, I’m struggling with life, not to the point I was a couple of years ago, but just in general.

The problem is, to keep with the Friends theme, I don’t have anyone that would say:

I’ll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I’ll be there for you
(Like I’ve been there before)
I’ll be there for you
(‘Cause you’re there for me too)

Well, the last line there is kind of true I’m there for lots of people. But not many are there for me.

I don’t know where to go from here, life is getting away from me.

I know where I want to turn to, but I can’t turn there, as much as it pains me I can’t turn that way.

So I do not know what to do next.

I need to do something drastic, things need to change, or I’m not going to make it.

I just… I just don’t know what to do.

I think I wish my life were a musical, although I can’t sing.

Things are simple in musicals. All problems are solved by singing, you get the feelings out there and deal with them.

Real life sucks like that. You can’t just throw yourself open, let the backing music take over and boom out all my problems.

Instead, I do what I always do, I bury it, deep down and leave it there.

I am a writer, I create worlds, characters, I mould them to my will, I have full control. I can make them do whatever I want. I can change what is going to happen to them at will.

God how do I wish I could go back and rewrite my life, change things, make things different now, know where I am going and erase the mistakes of my past and make the right decision at the right time.

But alas I can’t do this.

So that leaves the question

Where do we go from here?

 

 

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6 thoughts on “Always stuck in second gear

  1. I totally get you here. I absolutely believe there’s a Light at the end of this tunnel for you. Always look to the Light. Don’t let the darkness swallow you. I personally think it’s okay to stare into the darkness, even dance at the edges. But from my own dark experiences… don’t stay there. Please don’t stay there.

    On a lighter (and dorkier) note. Speaking of musicals… I shouldn’t be telling you this because then you’ll see my inner dork, but I have been known on random days to declare it a “musical day” in which whoever I am around and I must randomly break out into song at unexpected times of the day. Dancing is encouraged, but not required. We also like to run commercials. Say, take a drink and look toward the “camera” to describe how refreshing that was and how it just changed your life. Yeaahh… Dumb, I know. But always lots of laughs. Try it. Your friends will be amazed (or possibly repulsed). Either way, win-win, I say.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your words I agree with them there but for me getting too close to the darkness is way too dangerous for me.

      I love the idea musical days where you just sing for no reason that would be a great laugh but I am completely tone deaf id need someone following me about for me to lip sync too.

      Never be afraid to let the dork side flow.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahaha! I can’t sing at all either. It’s awesome. That’s why I do it. It’s horrible. Terrible. Ear-bleeding. So, I say, just roll with it, man. It’s YOUR musical. Who says it has to be on key? Or even sound human?? LOL

        Liked by 1 person

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