Ho Ho Fucking Ho!

Merry Christmas everybody, I hope you all had a good day and have been celebrating with your families or whomever you celebrate with.

As for me well I have had a pretty shitty day.

It all started last night (Christmas Eve) when the little one was getting ready to go to bed in anticipation for Santa coming. I started to feel a sense of dread creeping over me and off she went to bed. I waited for about an hour then “Santa” delivered the presents.

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It’s not much but it’s all we could afford.

Santa came and went, and I went off to bed.

This morning we got up and I gave my monster a kiss and a cuddle telling her “Merry Christmas” she replied with a smile and a push “No Daddy.” You know the usual response.

I then left her with the wife and ran downstairs to see if Santa had been, he had.

All creeping down the stairs to the meagre pile of presents under the tree and she was more interested in the partial piece of Minced Pie that Santa had left than anything else.

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(On a side note, new tradition next year, Santa isn’t getting milk and cookies/minced pie he’s getting a Bacon Double Cheese Burger and a Cider. SANTA NEEDS PROTEIN)

After we opened the presents (I got socks and flask from the wee one) had breakfast, showered and dressed we headed round to my grans for the day as we normally do.

Once we got there it was all fine. Then the presents started coming out. And I felt forgotten about, useless and a failure all at the one time.

Let’s start with me. Now I wasn’t expecting much, my folks have helped me out a lot throughout the year and I really wasn’t expecting much for Christmas, but what really hurt was that everyone else there got well thought out gifts with meaning and all that shite put into them. I got a pair of trainers and a shower gel, from my mum and dad, my sister and my wife got jackets, perfume, jewellery etc. I got trainers.

From my Grandparents the same thing everyone got something they would want and use with a lot of thought put into it. I got money stuffed in an envelope, not even a bloody card.

My sister takes the fucking cake here. She got us fuck all. A card with a piece of paper in it that said “Good for one babysitting session” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THAT? That is the HIGHEST level of bullshit.

Now the wife and I are broke so this year for Christmas we got everyone fancy cheese because everyone likes cheese and we put thought into who would like what and blah blah blah.

Not even any thought put into a fucking piece of bloody paper.

So, this was the portion of the day where I felt utterly forgotten about.

Next up the wee ones presents. She got absolutely spoiled loads of toys and she was so excited and happy, she loved every minute of it.

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I on the other hand started spiralling into a pit of despair.

Honestly today I felt an absolute failure as a father that I couldn’t get her that stuff. I have never felt like such a failure in my life.

I know that it is irrational and that it isn’t true but this isn’t the rational side of me that’s feeling this

I know it’s not true and that I am not a failure but I can’t help but feel that way right now.

Now on to point three. I spend every day with my daughter. I have been taking care of her for the last 2 years practically on my own since the wife went back to work and I have been the primary caregiver. I know her moods, I know when she needs a nap or some quiet time, is hungry, thirsty and everything in between.

SO WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERYONE FEEL THE NEED TO TRY TO TELL ME HOW TO HANDLE HER?

I know what I’m fucking doing I do not need backseat parenting.

I don’t give a shit that you have been through it all before, I know my daughter better than you do.

When we were sitting down to eat dinner, she wasn’t hungry and was getting restless so I took her out of her chair and got up telling everyone id take her through to the living room and let her calm down while everyone else ate and I kept getting arguments telling me to just put her back at the table and eat.

I shall repeat again.

I KNOW MY DAUGHTER BETTER THAN YOU. I KNOW WHAT SHE NEEDS.

I knew fine well there was no way she was going to settle she wanted out otherwise she was going to start screaming. So we went and watched Scooby doo problem solved.

I truly wish that people would start to realise that I know what I’m doing.

Oh and to top all this off I found out today that my own mother has no confidence in me when it comes to passing my test and being a driving instructor after all. She said to my wife on Sunday when she was round that “she hopes that I stick with it and don’t just jack it in at the first hurdle” thanks mum.

So that’s been my fucked up holiday. How was yours?

Cheers Colin.

http://ko-fi.com/scottishlegend

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. Hokius says:

    I’m sorry they treated you so poorly. You definitely deserve better, friend. I’m looking forward to when you show your mum how wrong she was and you kick ass as a driving instructor!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Colin says:

      Cheers man. It was a rough day and that was the bloody kicker in the nuts

      Like

  2. I’m sure you’ll do well as an instructor aaand you obviously already do as a father. I can’t tell you how many holiday dinners I enjoyed from a different room because my kids weren’t in the mood to sit at a table with a bunch of boring adults. They should have been happy you’d be so considerate to all involved. As to the presents, kids dont need mountains of presents. You give everything you possibly can and even more by giving so much of your attention and love. That is more than a lot of kids get. You are doing great, sod the doubters.

    Like

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