It is starting again.
I can feel all the insecurities the paranoia, the anxiety and it all flooding back.
Why, oh why did I go back to working in a call centre?
I had a really bad call today at work this guy called up complaining about his bill. I kept trying to explain to him why it was what it was but every time I tried to speak, he just shouted over me not giving me a chance.
Now as you can imagine this got me a bit riled up and I am not the best at hiding my frustration with certain things, cretins really, and this guy was most definitely one.
Anyway, after I finally got him away I then had to have a chat with my manager and quite frankly everything came flooding back to me.
The feelings I had before, the reasons why I said I would never go back to this kind of work
The anxiety, the dark spiralling abyss, the paranoia and now I am absolutely dreading going back in tomorrow.
On top of all that I got hit with the fact that they think I am coming over too negative when in discussions.
So fucking lah dee dah
So yeah, I am now feel like I’m on the edge of abyss looking into the darkness. I don’t know if I can do this again. I don’t know if I can survive this job.
I don’t know if I’m strong enough for this.
I don’t want to go back.
I don’t want to be that guy again.
But I’ve got to have a job to take care of the family.
I just don’t know if I can do this again.